Unfortunately this is not a happy baby post. This is a "I just cried my eyes out and have no one to really talk to about it" kind of post. I always had the slight fear that this relationship was too good to be true, that maybe everyone is right and we haven't been together long enough to really know that we are meant for each other. I pushed that feeling away each time, ignored and scoffed at those people. This is the guy for me. This time I was sure of it. I had found the one and that was that.

Well, we almost broke up tonight... and when you're going on 22 weeks pregnant, this is a bigger deal than it normally would be. There would be no way of simply moving on, no way of letting time heal things, I am having this man's baby! This is a huge deal. I can't just start fresh, I'm pregnant with his child and will have to see and deal with him (the father) for at least 18 years (realistically for the rest of my life). When you're faced with the fact that maybe this man isn't the one for you, maybe it won't work, it's truly and utterly crushing. I can't handle the fact that my son will have a broken home much like I had to deal with all my life. I wanted more for him, a complete and loving family. He's not even born yet and we are already having issues. I want to make this work but I'm scared I put myself in a position that I can't get out of like I normally could. I can't just end things. I have a little person involved now. It's just not going to be picture perfect like I had hoped. Now I keep randomly crying and I can feel you moving which makes me cry more. I'm trying not to because I know you can feel my sadness and I never want you to be sad. I always want the best for my Noah. Above myself or anyone else.